it's okay

I've been staying home for almost 7 years now as a stay home mom and wife. When I made this transition I had about a year of serious transitioning. I loved being home, but had a hard time letting go of all my outside commitments. These commitments were good things and I really enjoyed them and I had a passion for their purpose. I thought to not do them would disobey God's purpose for my life, why He created me. I thought I would feel dead inside. From those first days of becoming a stay home mom I have slowly stepped away from the lie that I need to fulfill all passions I have through a purpose outside my home. Doing those things did not make me who I was, being who God made me is what makes me who I am. And I am finding that can happen solely in my home these days. I sometimes lose sight of this. I sometimes think I need to keep one toe in something just to keep my foot in the door of some really awesome things happening around me. I sometimes feel left out and just simply get caught in another lie that I need to do the really great things around me to really be a part of the Christian community around me. So, I let things go and clear my schedule and focus on home....for awhile. And then I find myself with a teeny tiny bit of time and think I should add something. Then I just find myself in the same spot... worn out, tired, and unfocused.

You see, I have felt the very real truth that this time with these young children of mine is so short. And so temporary. And I want to finish this well like I've never finished anything else in my life. The more into this parenting role I get the more I learn how much time, dedication, and focus it takes. Some days I can't even follow through with my new discipline for my oldest because I've had so much brain activity happen for little things outside the home in just 24 hours I can't remember that I started that new discipline! And the thing is I don't DO a lot out of my home. But, it doesn't take much to distract me and Satan will throw anything my way to keep me too busy to be completely focused on raising this family right now. I get mad at myself when I let this happen, frustrated with my family for not doing more around here, and frustrated that I am not strong enough to carry all that is on my plate. This last one is another lie I am facing in my life. It's not that I am not strong enough, but God, I believe, does not want me spreading my hands across a variety of little things PLUS my home and family. Being in the home is busy enough for my heart, mind, and body!!!

Bringing up my family is my sole purpose right now, hands down. As a family we surround ourselves with some community and some things worth teaching our kids about, but at the end of the day I need to be in my home...whole heartily, body, and mind. God is here, my family is here, and I need to stay here. For now. For this season. It's really very short and also very temporary. And truthfully, I love it.

It's okay to say no mama. It's okay to feel alone in this some days. It's okay to have nothing on my "volunteer list" for a bit. I am not a bad person because I can only manage my family and home these days. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.