something I get to do

One of my favorite things in this season of life is being able to spend a little time in my son's classroom. He is only in first grade and I love the few hours I get each month to work with the kids in his class on reading or math or really anything the teacher has left for me. Part of what I love so much is just simply getting to know my son's peers. The kids he spends his days with, plays outside with, eats his lunches with, and learns so many new things with. As I sit with each child I always take the first few minutes to just talk to them. I ask about their day or comment on their cool hockey shirt or check to see that they are excited for the upcoming vacation or getting a good breakfast in the morning. Most the kids are always doing well and happy and love getting to come out in the hall for some one on one time. But, sometimes there are kids who seem a bit sad or worried or tired or unengaged. I had a lot of that today and I left the classroom today feeling so much sadness for these little lives that are tryng to be who God made them to be without a ton of help from home at times or too much distraction at home to fill these little love tanks up. Three little one's today told me about their parents not being together, 1 dad gone in the Army, and 1 very worried child that he was going to get yelled at when he got home because he lost his coat on the bus, becasue his dad likes to yell at him...he was sure of it and very worried.

One boy especially today brought tears to my eyes as he told me how much he missed his dad when he was with his mom and he really wanted to be with both his mom and dad at the very same time. He has the best smile and the sweetest dameanor and I just wanted to scoop him up and take him to that place where both his parents would be getting along and together and happy. If even for just a day.

I drove home today thinking about this little boy, William, and the other children who had hearts a bit on the heavy side today. Children of God already walking through some of this world's pain. That pain comes in different sizes and shapes for each one, but pain still the same. These are my son's peers, his friends. As they get older they will start to walk through these pains together, like friends naturally do. I felt so honored today to get to be in their world a little bit. To be able to offer a smile, a squeeze of the hand, an extra smiley face, or a very honest "hope to see you again soon, I love getting to listen to you read to me" on their way out the door.

My children will grow and make friends and start doing life with their own community of people. I am so thankful to have the time these days to start out in this world a little bit, hoping for even a window in the teen years :) These kids are important to me because they are important to my son and to God. I know the days will come when I've let my children down and I hope there is another person willing to ask them how their day is and offer them that extra pat on the back when I fail to. Today though, I felt God using me as my son's mom to just be that person for a few of his own people. My prayer is that our family can always be that for the people in our own little lives, whether we are 35 or 6 or 3 or 42. Lord knows we have had some amazing people be that for us.

Sweet little ones.... I pray you may feel both mom and dad's love even when you are apart from one, may you know how much dad misses you and thinks about you even when so far away, and may you find your warm little coat and feel a bit of grace even if you don't.

it's okay

I've been staying home for almost 7 years now as a stay home mom and wife. When I made this transition I had about a year of serious transitioning. I loved being home, but had a hard time letting go of all my outside commitments. These commitments were good things and I really enjoyed them and I had a passion for their purpose. I thought to not do them would disobey God's purpose for my life, why He created me. I thought I would feel dead inside. From those first days of becoming a stay home mom I have slowly stepped away from the lie that I need to fulfill all passions I have through a purpose outside my home. Doing those things did not make me who I was, being who God made me is what makes me who I am. And I am finding that can happen solely in my home these days. I sometimes lose sight of this. I sometimes think I need to keep one toe in something just to keep my foot in the door of some really awesome things happening around me. I sometimes feel left out and just simply get caught in another lie that I need to do the really great things around me to really be a part of the Christian community around me. So, I let things go and clear my schedule and focus on home....for awhile. And then I find myself with a teeny tiny bit of time and think I should add something. Then I just find myself in the same spot... worn out, tired, and unfocused.

You see, I have felt the very real truth that this time with these young children of mine is so short. And so temporary. And I want to finish this well like I've never finished anything else in my life. The more into this parenting role I get the more I learn how much time, dedication, and focus it takes. Some days I can't even follow through with my new discipline for my oldest because I've had so much brain activity happen for little things outside the home in just 24 hours I can't remember that I started that new discipline! And the thing is I don't DO a lot out of my home. But, it doesn't take much to distract me and Satan will throw anything my way to keep me too busy to be completely focused on raising this family right now. I get mad at myself when I let this happen, frustrated with my family for not doing more around here, and frustrated that I am not strong enough to carry all that is on my plate. This last one is another lie I am facing in my life. It's not that I am not strong enough, but God, I believe, does not want me spreading my hands across a variety of little things PLUS my home and family. Being in the home is busy enough for my heart, mind, and body!!!

Bringing up my family is my sole purpose right now, hands down. As a family we surround ourselves with some community and some things worth teaching our kids about, but at the end of the day I need to be in my home...whole heartily, body, and mind. God is here, my family is here, and I need to stay here. For now. For this season. It's really very short and also very temporary. And truthfully, I love it.

It's okay to say no mama. It's okay to feel alone in this some days. It's okay to have nothing on my "volunteer list" for a bit. I am not a bad person because I can only manage my family and home these days. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

changes

I always have a hard time writing on this blog. I thought I wouldn't. However, every time I sit down to type out some great thoughts in my head I start to doubt that what I have to say is worth sharing. Originally, I thought this blog would be a place for me to share the tid bits of wisdom I have found since becoming a wife and mom, as well as share my mistakes to learn from, and keep track of my good ideas to use for future use. Really though, I need a place I can go at the end of the day to just share what's on my heart and mind. A place to just be myself and get some of these thoughts in my head out so I can process life a bit better. I do enjoy writing and used to journal almost everyday. I no longer take the time to do that in my journal and find I like typing more. Not only that but I just like connecting with other women too. So i have decided to make this blog more like my own personal journal and you may enjoy reading about my sometimes unbalanced life or you may yawn and skip to the next blog. Either way, that's fine with me. I think this will be good for me and give me a sounding board when I need one at the end of the day. Someday my kids can have this and I hope they will know me better from reading about my life while I raised them.

So look for a little different postings in the days to come. I hope we still can connect and share like in the past and most of all I hope to find God at the end of the day as I process through whatever he throws my way.

VOTE!

I am not going to use this post to hand out all my political views and what I think you should do on voting day. Rather, I want to simply encourage you to go and vote. As mom's I think it is our responsibility to practice this privilege we have. Our communities and our states and our nation are greatly influenced by those in office. As mom's we should carefully consider our options and what and who we want representing our voices, representing our kids. I am posting this today to give you a heads up that Election Day is TUESDAY! If you haven't yet, research some of your candidates and take your kids with you to the voting polls. What a great opportunity to show them you care about their community and to let your voice be heard through your ballot.

finger lick'in good!

If I lived in a fall type atmosphere 365 days a year I would most definitely weigh 500 pounds. I love fall food! Especially fall treats! Pumpkin anything and warm apple anything makes me drool a bit just thinking about it. Yum! This is by far the best pumpkin bar recipe I have mastered in my decade of baking. I get so happy when I pull out that first pan of pumpkin bars from the oven each fall. Mmmmm, the smell, the taste, the cream cheese frosting. Too good! For a guaranteed mouth party experience try these this fall...

Mama's Favorite Pumpkin Bars

Bars:

4 eggs beaten slightly

2 C sugar

1 can of pumpkin

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1 C oil

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

2 C flour

Mix together eggs, sugar, pumpkin, cinnamon, and oil. Add remaining ingredients. Blend well and bake in jelly roll pan at 350 for 25 minutes. Cool before frosting.

Frosting:

8 oz cream cheese

1/2 c margarine (not butter)

3 1/2 c powdered sugar

2 1/2 tsp vanilla

Cream together until smooth (no lumps) and smooth over bars.

Be sure you share this pan or you will find yourself cutting little pieces off all day until you've finished it yourself! Enjoy!

what I do and don't do

There has been some buzz around my group of friends lately about what we do and don't do. The lists are filled with anything from 'I do recycle" to "I do read my Bible everyday" to "I don't garden" and "I don't watch TV". I have been thinking a lot about this myself recently and it seems to be a good practice to just write down and help clarify what I do and don't do. Some of the things in my do lists are things I want to do better and don't necessarily do much of right now. Same as with my don't do lists. There are things I do right now that I hope to not do soon. (for example I wish I wasn't addicted to good TV shows!!!) So in at attempt to bring some clarification to my purpose right now here is part of my lists. I'm only sharing some of it because to be honest I am embarrassed to share it all!

I do...read to my kids everyday. exercise fairly regularly. connect with friends, deeply and often. garden. spend time in my child's classroom. prepare good meals and has my family sit at the table for at least one of them a day. read the Bible with my family. read books almost everyday. grocery shop with organized meals in mind. send cards to people in my life. pray for others often. check in with family members. hug my kids everyday. kiss my husband everyday. spend time with families and their kids. give money to those with less then me. spend time outdoors.

I don't... recycle (I wish I did but I'm just not at that place where I can make it work yet). waste time on the Internet (and getting better at limiting email and blogging time :). make homemade things. don't sew.volunteer outside of my home much right now (more on this topic in another post). have a clutter free home. attend every mommy group I'm invited to. lead much of anything other then my household (this came off my do lists a few years ago when I used to lead a lot of things). work outside the home. make a lot of money.

This is just a handful of things on my original list. As I wrote my "I don't" lists I often had to have a reason or an excuse as to why I don't do it. So many of us mom's think we need to do it all. It's just not so. We are not made to do all things and part of what makes us uniquely made is that we each have our own set of skills and gifts that we get to use. I have found this list making freeing in some ways and also humbling. It helps me really focus on what I believe to be my purpose right now, this very moment in life. Sure, I wish I did some of the things in my "I don't" lists but it would take away from my "I do" lists if I tried to do all these things. My "I do" list helps me know what I am doing right now and what I need to be doing well today. There are things I hope to add to my "I do" list and know there are some things about myself that I can do better to make such new things happen. By looking at my 'I do" lists I also remind myself of what I need to do to be me.... even the little things like spend time outdoors. I connect to God so much through nature and not taking time to do this, in my opinion, takes away from the way God created me to be with Him.

What's on your lists? I started off just jotting a couple things down and the last month or so have gone back and added more and rewritten some things. I feel a pull for what other's want me to do and this list helps me say no when I need to and to really stay focused on what's needing to have my time, energy, and commitment. Give it a try.... write some I do's and I don'ts down and see how your heart reacts.

those ahead of me

You know, as I have lived life it seems I have always had someone just a little ahead of me in life whom I have been able to kind of walk behind. These people have touched my life in so many ways and I have learned so much through them. Some have actually been named a mentor in my life and others have been just going about their own lives without even knowing that I was watching, listening, learning from them. I think as mother's it is really important that we have some older mom's who we can watch, listen as they speak, and learn from. It is even biblical... Titus 2:4 says "These older women should train the younger ones to love their husbands and their children."

I recently watched one of my "unknown older mom's" in church with her family. I have been watching her for years, but this day I saw her showing love to her grumpy and moody father-in-law. She sat on one side of him and as her husband sat on the other side of this man I thought "Wow, I want to be able to love the unlovable in my family the way she does." We all have them don't we? People in our life that are hard to love or difficult to be around. I think God puts these people in our lives on purpose, to really teach us what it means to love at times. Loving shouldn't be easy. Love's depth isn't fully filled until we choose to love the hard ones.

I know I have not loved certain people in my life the way God would want me to. I even justify myself at times saying these people are too grumpy, too mean, too opinionated, too this, or too that. They don't DESERVE my love, right? Well, guess what? I don't deserve God's love. None of us do. And He loves them all. God loves the grumpy, the mean, the judgmental (oh, wait, that's me!). When I see someone like this little bit older mom loving her very moody father-in-law I think to myself "I want to love like that, I want to TRY to love like that." Because here is the thing... not only does God love me and yes I should pay that forward the best i can, but there may be another younger mom watching me. Or even better yet... my kids are watching me. I want them to love people. I want to love people, even the hard ones. So today my friends, my goal for the weeks to come is to show love to those in my life who make it hard. I have my elder mom to thank for inspiring me to love like God more and like me less. As the Bible says... teach the younger generation.